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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Future internet sensation!

As a parent, I always know exactly what other parents should do with/about/to their kids. When I hear another mom talking about her parenting challenges, I know the solution. But I don't always know what to do with regard to my own children.

My revolutionary (or rip-off) social media idea is a site called Other People's Children*. What I'm imagining is a Chat Roulette for parenting. You know Chat Roulette, right? You log in and video chat with random, anonymous people and when you are bored or disgusted with the conversation (or the visual), you hit next and move onto the next random person. Other People's Children will combine the lurid appeal of anonymous chatting with our universal desire to espouse our personal philosophies to other parents.

Here are a few sample conversations:

Mammoo: My little Proton is 2 and won't stay in her own bed.
Chat 1: I spank my kids when..{next}
Mammoo: Little Proton won't stay in her bed.
Chat 2: We have a family bed and all 9 of us pile into...{next}
Mammoo: Little Proton won't stay in her bed.
Chat 3: Some bourbon at dinner calms my kids down...{next}
Mammoo: Little Proton won't stay in her bed.
Chat 4: I let the dogs chase my boy Trump until he's too tired to ...{next}
Mammoo: Little Proton won't stay in her bed.
Chat 5: You're a great Mom and whatever you're doing is great!
Mammoo: Well, thank goodness! Thank you for your wisdom. What parenting issue can I help you with?
Chat 5: When should I let my son start dating, I mean, officially? He's 13 and has a little crush on my friend and she said she'd take him out, you know, just for shits and giggles. It's sweet that she gave him some Axe body spray and, so ...{disconnect}
Chat 5: Where'd you go?
-------
Helimomsha: I'm at my wits' end with Arbuckle. He's getting in trouble at school.
Chat 1: I saw on Oprah...{next}
Helimomsha: Arbuckle's getting in trouble at school.
Chat 2: We're homeschooling and...{next}
Helimomsha: Arbuckle's getting in trouble at school.
Chat 3: At my daughter Rigid's private school, we believe if you spare the rod...{next}
Helimomsha: Arbuckle's getting in trouble at school.
Chat 4: Do you give him regular enemas? {next}
Helimomsha: Arbuckle's getting in trouble at school.
Chat 5: Honey, you are doing the best you can! Rock on! You are a great Mom!
Helimomsha: What a relief! You're right. Thanks for your clear-headed analysis. What's up with your kids?
Chat 5: Well, my issue is sibling rivalry.
Helimomsha: That's a tough one! What's going on?
Chat 5: My daughter Lotus is very jealous of Excel. Whenever Excel nurses, she has a fit.
Helimomsha: That's very normal.
Chat 5: Yeah, sure, but it's escalating. When she gets home from school and walks in the door, if he's breastfeeding, she loses it. I give her a turn right away and send him out to play basketball in the cul-de-sac... {disconnect}
Chat 5: You there?

* A video chat site called Other People's Children should be free of liability, right? I'll simply ask people to check the "I'm not a pedophile" box when they log in.

3 comments:

TeacherSharon said...

This reminds me of our parenting early years when you would poll me, Not Feather, Not Loni, and Not Krista about the Not Brady Parenting Hot Topic of the Day before taking action. I am now living in terror that I am a thinly disguised version of Chat 5. I want to be Chat 4 (or, as I call her, Ayn Rand). Can I be Chat 4? Please?

The Mike said...

"Other People's Children will combine the lurid appeal of anonymous chatting with our universal desire to espouse our personal philosophies to other parents."

I think I will be starting a site called Other Children's Parents.

From the new Website:
"Other Children's Parents will combine the lurid appeal of anonymous chatting with our universal desire to despouse our personal philosophies to other parents."

I'm not sure it makes any sense, but what on the Interwebz does or even has to?

In the interim, OCP looks like a great place to pick up talented, young, and perhaps only slightly experienced mothers for some brownies and Kool-Aid parties.

On the Internet, everyone knows I'm a dog.

susan said...

Or whenever the kids are driving you mad, read a friend's funny blog.

Thanks - I was laughing all through this one.