Thursday, March 11, 2010

Career idea! Who's got a nameless baby?

I'm in the mood to name babies (Xuma).  I don't need to birth or raise any more babies, but I want to name some (Anya). 

As a kid playing the board game Life, my favorite part was giving names to the little pink (Kristy, as in McNichol) or blue (Parker, as in Stevenson) pegs in the backseat.  I bought a baby name book when I was still in high school - and still hated children.  I didn't imagine being a Mom.  I just wanted to pore over the lists and definitions and create perfect first/middle combos (Tiffany Crystal).  I made list after list during each pregnancy.

When I hear what parents are considering naming their children, I can always tell if it will be a boy or girl based on how good the names are.  I've never been wrong.  If you've got Alice Pearl versus Kevin Alan, you're having a girl.  And my own kids have the best names ever!  Really.  (I'm not so comfortable sharing those names with you.  Trust me that they're good names, okay?  Even though I don't trust you.)  I'll tell you this:  my oldest's name means lame warrior maiden.  Lame, top that.

I feel like I've spent a lifetime developing my ear and honing my taste. How can I share this gift? Lots of people out there are giving their kids crappy names (Atlas) and they need a wake-up call. I realize now my mission in life is to become a baby name consultant. I could be part of the solution instead of sitting by silently judging parents after it's too late (Dawson).

I intended this baby name consulting idea as a joke, but after a quick google search, I find out there really are people who are paid to pick names. I would so hate all the stupid parents who'd hire me.

I do have a hole in my resume.  I've never named a boy.  I'm pissed off that my friend's grandson is named Hank (my name!) and that Edward Cullen of Twilight fame has tainted the name Edward for the next 20 years (Hank's middle name).  So, there goes all my hard work on Hank Edward, or should I say Not Harry Elton, since I have a rule about not using the name of any child I know, or of famous teen vampires.  If someone gives me a nameless infant boy, I'll have to start over from scratch. 
And, no, I don't want to name your dog.


The Mike said...

I too love to name babies. I don't regret not having more children, but I do regret not being able to use the names still in the queue. For your perusal I give you,

Leyna Viktoria
Meagan Ariel

Mikhail Hampton

I have others, but can't recall them at the moment.

My own children are named Renzo Luis (wife's from her first marriage), Ariel(boy)Grey, and Alexia Constance (I wanted to name her Alexia Constanza, but my wife, knowing a Constanza she didn't like, would have none of that, so Constance she is). I write "Ariel(boy)" because we named him after Ariel in The Tempest as well as for it's meaning. This, well before The Little Mermaid was released. After Disney's release, Ariel, who was so beautiful people thought he was a girl, used to tell people his name was "Arielboy". I can't believe he is twenty-one and off to NYC in May.

pcrh said...

Nice to see you blogging.

Will you help name my dog?

Olivejenny said...

Ariel Grey rhymes with famous someday. (just sayin) Not Stacy, I think you may have found your calling(s). :D

Not Stacy said...

I mention Aloce Pearl in my post because that's what I wanted to name my 3rd girl. I read it in The Redneck Babyname Book - I think that's the title. It said Alice Pearl would grow up to be a yellow dog Democrat with a 2,000 volume personal library and who would protest at oil refineries. I thought, I'll take her! Not Don thought otherwise.

The Mike, you have style. Cool names, very individual but not insane. (How can you possibly have a 21 year old child? You're only 25 yourself, no?)

Not Stacy said...

OK, I meant ALICE PEARL. Can't type and answer the phone simultaneously.