Tuesday, May 25, 2010

'Cause I'm a Bitch in a Nerd Suit

-Bought a swimsuit today.  I think it could be Yacht Club (primary color) or Nerd (modest, duh). I actually bought a top and bottom from two different brands, 'cause I'm a rebel like that. I'm not posting a link but the name of the suit (top) is:  Buffalo Betty. Yep.

-Only had one near altercation while at the mall. A skincare salesperson (troll) stepped into the aisle to block me (and I mean she used her body to prevent me from continuing along) and she said hello, I said hello, then she said can I ask you what skincare products you use and I replied - no. She snorted - actually snorted - then stepped aside and let me pass.  (Are you thinking "bitch!" cause I'm thinking "Bitch!") (Bitch about her blocking me and then snorting, not bitch about me for the monosyllabic no for an answer, right? Okay.) ('Cause her snort meant she thought I was the bitch.)

-Found my phone while sitting in a chair talking to Not Don this evening.  I glanced over his shoulder and there it was on the mantle.  I didn't even have to stand up to find it, after having searched high and low all day.  Then my phone snorted at me and I think it thinks I'm a bitch.

-Have had ZERO caffeine today.  My head is about to explode and my mood is still on the wrong side of the bed.  I'm not giving up coffee, oh no, but I need a few days to break this vicious cycle.  I'll be back, Juan Valdez, 'cause I'm your bitch.

*It was my goal to write "'cause" instead of "because" three times in one post. I did it!  Tomorrow's goal: use "bitch" a lot more.


Olivejenny said...

SEE! I told you it was right where you left it! Sneaky piece of thing...

No way were YOU the bitch in the aisle at the mall. Instead of snorting she should have thanked you for not punching her in the face. (just for instance) Haha, then you could have asked her, "can I ask you what kind of first aid you use?" lol (kidding) (really)

But anyone who has the glozo (that's my captcha word today) to buy a bathing suit called Buffalo Betty should NOT be messed with, especially about skin care. And anyone who names a bathing suit Buffalo Betty should NOT have a job.

Coffee clink!

susan said...

I just LOVE everything about this posting. :) That bathing suit top isn't made of leather or fur, is it???

Hank said...

Buffalo. Betty. The name of the swimsuit is Buffalo-FUCKING-Betty! Are you kidding me?!

Honey...You are not an alternative source of protein. Get your ass up here and I'll take you down Michigan Avenue. If these Midwestern gals can put on swimsuits after our god-awful winters, we can put one you! And it won't be named after a goddamn COW!

I vote black, gold accents, bigass hat.